


In Your Head

by Kaunis_Sielu



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-12
Packaged: 2019-02-13 21:40:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 38
Words: 21,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12993087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaunis_Sielu/pseuds/Kaunis_Sielu
Summary: You're a psychologist who has been assigned to the BAU.





	1. Chapter 1

Somehow you ended up here. The reluctant team psychologist to the BAU based out of Quanitco. She would never admit to it you know your aunt pulled some strings to get you the position. And the benefits. You didn’t really want to work with the FBI, you’re not sure if you can handle the pressure of being the mandatory psychologist but now that you’ve accepted the job your pride won’t let you back out. Your aunt had gotten you your badge already and after walking through a metal detector and swiping your badge you head to the elevators. Pushing the up button you balance on one heeled foot and empty some rocks out of the opposite shoe. Slipping your foot back in the doors open and your aunt is in the elevator.   
“I had them call me when you arrived.”  
“Oh, great.” You enter the elevator and wait for the doors to slide shut. “Don’t think I’m not grateful Chief Strauss but this is nuts. I’ve only ever worked with teenagers.”  
“You’ll be fine. Maybe just don’t mention your relation to me.”   
“That was never in the plan. I don’t want people to think I only got here because of you. Even though I’m pretty sure that’s what happened.”  
“No. We called your office and described what we needed and were given two names. You just happen to fit here best.” You’re not quite sure you believe her.   
“Let me guess. This group was the more resistant to the whole program and you know how stubborn I am and that I could handle it.” She doesn’t say anything and you take that as confirmation of your hunch. “At least we have different last names.” You say then the doors open and she leads you into a bullpen and into an office.   
“This will be your office, you can do whatever you please with it.”   
“Can I paint?”  
“Submit a color to me and we can talk.” You nod “Did you bring a go bag like I told you?”   
“Yea, a weeks worth of clothes.”  
“Good you’ll be heading out with them today.” You look over at her in surprise then she leads you into a room with seven people all seated around a table. “Sorry for the interruption.” Chief Strauss says, “I wanted to introduce you to your new team member. Dr. Logan Kalani. She will be traveling with you on all future cases starting with this one. Logan these are SSA Aaron Hotchner, Dave Rossi, Derek Morgan, Emily Prentiss and Jennifer Jareau. This is Dr. Spencer Reid and Technical Analyst Penelope Garcia.” You nod at each person as she introduces them. “Have a safe flight. Good luck.” She leaves you standing there in front of them all. You move to the back of the room and Penelope continues on explaining the case.


	2. Chapter 2

No one says much of anything to you until just before they go to leave the room. “Do you have a go bag?” Agent Hotchner asks looking skeptical.   
“I do.”  
“Perfect. Meet on the second floor in the parking garage in thirty minutes. Far East side.” You nod then he leaves.  
“They can be kind of frosty but they’ll warm up to you.” Penelope says with a soft smile. You return the gesture and glance out the window at your new clients.  
“I’m not too worried. You all have to see me once a week and I can be crazy persuasive.”  
“Wait, I do too?”  
“You’re part of the BAU aren’t you?”  
“Yea but I’m not out in the field.” She protests.   
“But you do deal with the same cases they do. It still effects you. Tell me with a strait face you don’t have nightmares about these cases.” She gives a half shrug and you place a gentle hand on her arm. “Penelope, I’m here for all of you to talk to. About anything and at any time. Day or night.” You pull a piece of paper off the desk and jot your cell number on it. “Seriously. Call me anytime you need to. And remember, once a week, my office.” She gives you a little smile and you head out of the round room.   
“There’s been another murder. We’re leaving now.” Jennifer says as you walk past her desk.   
“Thanks.” You reply. Grabbing your go bag and purse from your office you follow her and Emily to the elevators. You stand a few feet behind them and they start to chat about someone named Henry, who you gather after a minute is Jennifer’s son. It’s only when the three of you pile into the elevator that either of them recognize you’re there.   
“So, you’re the new shrink huh?” Emily says looking wary.   
“Yep.”  
“Do you think you can handle this? We’ve already scared away one shrink.” Jennifer says.   
“Well, I’m stubborn as hell and don’t take no for an answer so we’ll see I guess. What would you like me to call you?”  
“JJ is fine.”  
“Emily.”  
“Great. You can call me Logan or Doctor but not doctor Logan. I’m not a talk show host.” You grin as the two women laugh.   
“Why do they always do that?” Emily says through her laughter.   
“Honestly it’s a ploy at making you feel more connected to them. Like their your actual Doctor so that when people end up on their shows they’re more likely to spill things they may not want to.”   
“Ew.” JJ says wrinkling her nose.   
“Right!” You say with a small laugh. “Not that I think you guys will, but if you ever do need help with the psychology on a case please let me know. It’s part of the reason I’m sent on the cases with you.” The elevator doors slide open and the three of you exit and head into the parking garage.   
“What’s the other reason?” Emily presses.   
“You each have to see me for an hour a week. It doesn’t have to be an hour strait but it has to be an hour.”  
“What happens if we don’t?”  
“Probation, possibly a transfer. I’m not totally sure. I don’t bite and everything you say to me in your sessions is confidential.”  
“So you wouldn’t tell Hotch what we say?”  
“The only reason I would ever say anything is if I believed you were a serious and dangerous risk to yourself or the team.”  
“Good to know.” JJ says. “Good luck with the guys.” She says shooting you a look of sympathy. You look over at the group of four men and are met by one look of curiosity, two of irritation and the last is of indifference. This group is going to be a challenge.


	3. Chapter 3

They work on the case on the plane, for the first hour you sit quietly and observe them. Hotch is the most guarded, hardly any facial expressions and his body language is guarded. You don’t know if that’s always the case or if it’s just because you’re here. JJ seems the most comfortable, like she’s the one with the least amount of secrets. Reid is clearly a genius, spouting out stats like they’re written out in front of him. You number them all in your head for reports, Hotch is one, two is Dave, three would be Derek with Emily as four, JJ as five, Spencer as six and Penelope seven. That way if someone does ever get into your notes the chances of them being able to use what you know against the BAU is slim. You’re lost in your own head when someone plops down into the seat next to you. Looking over you’d expected to see JJ or Emily but instead you’re surprised to see David Rossi.   
“Agent Rossi.” You say with a small smile.   
“Dr. Kalani.”   
“Please, just call me Logan.” You say turning toward him, “How’s it going?”  
“Are you asking me as a shrink or a normal person?”  
“Does it matter?”  
“Yes.”  
“Why?”  
“I want to know if you’re going to analyze everything I say.” You know that Morgan and Reid are both listening into this conversation so you tread lightly.   
“Well, since you’re required to meet with me an hour a week if I ask you like a shrink I can count this toward your time. But honestly? I was asking as a co-worker who is hoping to be considered a friend.” He studies you for a moment and you smile a slow smile at him. “Stop it.”   
“Stop what?”  
“Attempting to profile me. Ask me anything you want. If I expect you all to be open with me I have to be willing to be open with you.”   
“Why did you apply for the shrink job with the BAU?” Reid asks finally entering the conversation.   
“Technically I didn’t.”   
“What?” Morgan looks confused.  
“The company that I used to work for was making cuts and the FBI came looking for, shrinks,” you use their terminology, “I was offered one of the positions and I took it.”   
“Why?” He prompts.  
“ It was either risk loosing my job due to downsizing, or switch to work at the FBI.”  
“What did you do before?”  
“Teenagers.”   
“Did you like it?”  
“I did. It was a little too consuming though.”  
“What do you mean consuming?” JJ asks.   
“My clients took over my life. It was all I could think about. All I could worry about. I lost relationships over that job.” You sigh softly.  
“So no boy friend, girl friend, husband, wife or fiancé?” Rossi questions.   
“Nope. I’m single and strait.” You give him a small smile. “Why?”  
“We should fix that.” He teases and you groan.   
“Oh god you sound like my aunt. She’s always told me that I need a strong, secure man, someone who is protective but not overly so. ‘Like someone in the FBI or military’ it gets old.” You laugh softly.   
“Your aunt sounds like a genius.” Rossi joins you in your laughter but for a moment you wonder if Dave knows who your aunt is.


	4. Chapter 4

You pass the rest of flight in comfortable conversation. You learn that Dave had retired and come back to deal with some unfinished business. That Emily had been part of the CIA and had faked her death in order to save a little boy. JJ worked with the state department for a while and Morgan started his career in Chicago. You could have learned all of this from their files but you want to learn about them from them. Reid is the youngest person that’s in the BAU or has ever been. Penelope, you learn, was a hacker that the BAU actually caught and convinced to work for the FBI. The only one who doesn’t talk to you is Hotch. He stays quiet about his family life, JJ is dating but not married to her son Henry’s dad and Rossi has been married, and divorced, three times. Hotch stays quiet in general, and unfortunately for him that just piques your curiosity and interest in what’s going on in his head. Really it would have been in his best interest to at least join the conversation because now you’re going to have to figure him out. It’s going to drive you nuts if you don’t. When you land Hotch splits the team.  
“Morgan, Prentiss go to the last crime scene. Rossi and Reid to the ME and the rest of us will go to the station. Unless you need to observe someone Dr. Kalani.”  
“Logan. And no, coming to the station with you and JJ is just fine.” Everyone climbs off of the jet and into one of the three separate SUV’s.   
“So Logan,” JJ starts as you pull away from the airport, “Do we introduce you as the team shrink or what?”  
“I would call me a psychologist consultant. We don’t want the locals thinking that you’re all in need of mental help. Seeing a psychologist, while extremely healthy and beneficial for everyone, especially those in high pressure jobs, still holds a bit of a stigma.” Hotch’s eyes meet yours briefly in the rearview mirror. You still can’t read him, which is honestly pretty unusual for you. It’s why you’re so good at your job. The three of you climb out of the SUV and head into the station. You had no idea what you were getting into.


	5. Chapter 5

It’s been nearly a week since you came to New Mexico. You’ve been watching the team, they interact as a single unit. It’s really very interesting, but you’ve been cooped up in the station for long enough. You grab your go bag, check your gym app and see that the nearest Always Fitness is only two blocks away. You shoot Hotch a text letting him know you’re going, incase one of them needs you, ha, and head out the door. You’re halfway down the block when you hear your name being called.   
“Logan!” Morgan comes trotting toward you, his own go bag draped over his shoulder. “Where are you going?”  
“Gym. I have a membership at Always and there’s one right around the corner. Why? What’s up?”  
“Hotch is calling it for the night. You mind if I join you?”  
“Not at all.” You smile up at him and he comes to your side the two of you walk in silence. When you get to the gym you enter your code and head in. Both of you move to the separate locker rooms and when you come out you see he’s already on one of the ellipticals. He’s not wearing headphones so you leave yours in your bag. Maybe, just maybe he’ll talk to you while you work out. None of the team have even attempted to start their hour long sessions and pretty soon you’re going to have to drag them into your hotel room and lock them in for an hour. You hit the elliptical next to Morgan and for the first mile he doesn’t say anything.   
“How are you liking being in the field?” He asks, breathing hard.   
“It’s fine. You’re an interesting group to watch. I am going a bit stir crazy though, being cooped up in the station all day.”  
“I can understand that.” He smiles over at you and then continues the next mile in silence. He finishes that one then slows his pace to a stop. “Would you mind spotting me?” He asks nodding over at the weight room.   
“Not at all.” You climb off your own machine and follow him to the weights. He packs them on then lays flat and starts to work. “Alright Morgan. Spit it out. I know you’ve got something on your mind.” Sometimes when something is eating at him he gets a little furrow between his eyes.   
“It’s nothing.”  
“Derek.” You say grabbing the bar of the weights and yanking them to the holder above his head. “You’re not going to offend me. You’re not going to scare me. I’m here for you to talk to, I know it’s not manly or whatever but you don’t need to worry about being perceived as manly. You’re benching almost 300lbs like its nothing. I’m worried about you and I will lock you in a room with me for an hour, or you could just multitask a little.”  
“Honestly. I’m worried about Prentiss.” You let go of the bar then and he gets back to lifting. “When she came back, I was angry. I watched her die, I lost sleep over the fact I couldn’t save her. I had nightmares and now that she’s back for real I don’t think she’s planning on staying back.”  
“She’s buying a house though isn’t she?” You ask keeping a close eye on the weight.   
“She keeps saying she is but something always seems to get in the way.” He puffs as he shoves the bar up one last time. “I want to know she’s okay but she won’t talk to me. She says she’s fine but Logan I don’t think she is and that bothers me.”   
“Why does it bother you so much?”  
“Because she’s my friend and I care about her.”   
“I can understand that. She did overcome death, had to loose her family and become a new person only to come back, and be the person she was. That’s a lot for anyone to deal with.” He nods and motions for you to lift. You laugh, “I’m gonna need you to take about two hundred pounds off of there first.”  
“Right. Sorry.” He laughs and pulls them off, you take your turn and he continues to talk to you. You’re surprised that he was the first one to do his session. When the two of you finish your workout he looks over at you and smiles. “Can I always do my sessions with a workout?”  
“Yea. I have an eidetic memory so I’ll write it all down later.” He nods then you head back to the hotel.


	6. Chapter 6

You find Reid waiting outside of your hotel room when you get there.   
“Hey Reid. Come on in.” You say opening the door with the key card. He hesitates and you drop your bag just inside. “Unless you want to go somewhere else?”   
“For a walk?”  
“Sure.” You tuck your key and phone into your pockets then match Reid’s pace as he walks down the hallway. You don’t say anything. Just walk with him to stairs and down out into the night.   
“I’m having a hard time with this case. Knowing that this boy was essentially tormented by everyone in his life makes it difficult for me to have sympathy for anyone he’s hurt.”   
“I can understand that.”  
“It’s just that I can relate to being the bullied one. The kid that never fit in.” He shoves his hands into his pockets, “I still don’t feel like I fit in.” He says quietly.   
“I think a lot of people feel that way. I know I do.”  
“Well you just started a new job. That makes sense. I’ve been with the same people for years and I still just don’t quite fit in.”  
“You fit Spence.” He looks over at you skeptically. “You do. You fit the Spencer Reid sized spot in this team. If you were all like Hotch or Morgan or JJ you wouldn’t be the effective team that you are.”   
“Other people make comments. About how weird I am.”  
“Like who?”  
“The sheriff.”  
“Reid. Weird is a term insecure people use to describe what they’re too afraid to be.”  
“Who said that?”  
“I did.” He laughs softly and you smile. “You fit in just fine here Reid.”  
“But what about everywhere else?”  
“What are you asking me Reid?” You ask gently. Finally the root of what he’s worried about.   
“What if I never fall in love?” He whispers. Your heart breaks a little for him.   
“Where do you go to meet women?” You ask.   
“The bars.”  
“Do you like going to the bars?”  
“Not really.”  
“Then why are you looking for someone there? If that’s where she’s spending her free time she wants to be there. What do you like to do?”  
“What?”  
“For fun. What do you do for fun?”  
“I like foreign movies.”  
“What else?”  
“I like to read.”  
“One more thing.”  
“Uh, I like to play chess.”  
“Okay. Not one of those things are done at bars. So why are you wasting your time at places that don’t have the things you like? Go to a foreign film festival or a book store or library. Go to places you want to go. You’ll meet someone amazing.” His phone chirps and he pulls it from his pocket.   
“We have a lead.”   
“I thought Hotch told everyone to get some rest?”  
“That doesn’t include Hotch.” He looks over at you with a look of amusement. “He’s going to be your biggest challenge.”   
“I was beginning to come to that conclusion.” You say with a sigh as the two of you head back to the hotel.


	7. Chapter 7

You head back to the station with Reid and Morgan. You won’t go out to get the UnSub but you want to be there in case you’re needed.   
It turns out that you’re not needed. There’s more than enough evidence at the UnSub’s house to make sure he goes away for a long time, lots of photos and video of the murders. “Logan. Wheels up in thirty.” Hotch says as he stalks into the room. It’s just the two of you, something he tries to avoid. You nod and pack your laptop into your bag. You follow Hotch out as the police are struggling with the UnSub. They walk him past you and he gets free for a moment. Just long enough to press his body against yours and attempt for a kiss. Hotch reacts before you do, he catches the UnSub by the collar and pulls him off of you then slams him into the wall. The wall had actually shaken Hotch had slammed him so hard into it. “Get him out of here.” He snarls at the two officers.   
“I just wanna a kiss baby. You’re the hottest thing I’m gonna see for a while.” He snickers then Hotch blocks you from his view.   
“Logan?” You gaze snaps up to meet his, the tenderness you see there surprises you. “You okay?”  
“Yea.” You roll your shoulders, “As soon as I find JJ and get one of those great hugs Garcia has told me about.”  
“A hug?”  
“I want the memory of his body off of mine.” You swallow and frown deeply, “it’s like he hasn’t let go.” Hotch does the last thing you were expecting from him, he pulls your body to his and gently wraps his arms around you. You sigh softly and relax into him, you didn’t know this side of him existed. You give his waist a gentle squeeze then step away. “Thanks Hotch.” He nods and starts to head for the doors. You match his pace.   
“It’s just us left to get on the plane.” You don’t say anything until you get into the SUV.   
“Hotch.”  
“Hmm?”  
“Do you want to use some of this time to talk?”  
“No.”  
“Hotch. Please. I don’t want to have to report that you won’t do your mandatory hour.” He’s quiet for the next few miles. You break the silence again. “Thank you.”  
“For?”  
“Getting him off me. The hug. I appreciate it.”  
“You may not feel like it but you are part of this team. We protect each other.”   
“Who told you that I didn’t feel like I was part of the team?”  
“No one had to.” You’re impressed, you’re normally very good at hiding your emotions and body language. You have to be in your line of work. “And for the record the rules don’t say I have to talk to you. They just say we have to meet for an hour.” Damn it. He’s right.   
“Okay.” You say. You’ll break down the wall he’s got up eventually. It’s like that story of the tortuous and the hare. Slow and steady. Slow and steady.


	8. Chapter 8

It’s been nearly a year since you started on the team. You’ve been through a lot, more cases than you can count. This case was intense, a group of bank robbers. They had demanded to talk to JJ’s boyfriend Will, he’d killed one of the robbers. He’d gone inside, JJ was in a panic and when Will got shot you knew she was going to be even more stressed. Will had been asking her to marry him and she’d been hesitant. There was no need for a ring when they were just fine without it. At least that’s what she had said during your last session.  
You’d screamed when the explosion had gone off. You were watching a feed Garcia had sent you in your office. Both Hotch and Strauss had wanted you to stay here, so you had but once your feed went out you knew you weren’t staying put. You had pulled your gun out of your desk drawer and grabbed your badge and vest, your team needed you. You rode over with Kevin, and Reid. Hotch wasn’t happy you were there, leveling you with a glare as you strapped on the vest.  
“I wasn’t going to stay there and not be here to help.” You say calmly and he shakes his head then stalks away to give the cops the game plan. Strauss wasn’t much happier that you were here.  
“Your mother would kill me if she knew you were out here.” She hissed at you.  
“Then I suggest you don’t tell her.” You respond coolly, “I’m field certified and I’m not leaving my team.” JJ and Morgan come back from the back and JJ is clutching a wallet. The team moves effectively, Hotch orders you to stay with Garcia. When you go to protest he grabs you by the arm and pulls you away from the group.  
“I didn’t want you out here in the first place. I can’t protect you from this out there, you’d just be a distraction we can’t afford right now.” You notice that he said he couldn’t protect you the first time.  
“Okay Hotch. I’ll stay with Garcia.” You say softly, “Go. Go save Will and Henry.” He nods and you go wait, anxiously with Garcia.  
An hour later you’ve gotten the call. Will and Henry are both fine, the bomb had been disabled, Izzy is in custody and Matthew is dead. Hotch orders everyone home, and Rossi calls as you’re walking into your apartment. He overheard Will propose to JJ and was hosting their surprise, at least to JJ, wedding at his house. You agree to come and hang up. You’re pouring a glass of wine when there’s a knock on the door. Glancing through the peephole you're not overly surprised to see Emily standing there.


	9. Chapter 9

You pull the door open and say, “Emily come in.”   
“Sorry for coming over like this.” She says as she walks into your apartment. She heads straight for your fridge and pulls out the cooled bottle of wine she knows you keep there. She grabs a glass and pours half a glass then takes a swig. You can tell there’s a lot on her mind and she was almost blown up twice in the last 24 hours alone. You lock the door then drop down on the couch with your own glass of wine and wait, Emily always starts talking, you just have to let her decide when she wants to start. Sure enough a couple minutes later she drops down on the couch next to you.   
“I think I need to leave the BAU.” You pause with your glass halfway to your mouth.   
“Excuse me?”  
“I think I’m going to leave the BAU.”   
“What brought on this decision?” You ask regaining your composure.   
“Easter. He called and offered me a position running Interpol. I think I could do some real good there.”  
“So is this a spur of the moment decision? Sometimes when you have a life threatening moment it causes you to make rash decisions.”  
“Honestly I’ve been questioning if I made the right decision since I got back after Doyle.”   
“Okay. Why now?”  
“Part of it is because this opportunity came up.”   
“What’s holding you back?” She’s clutching her wine glass like its the only solid thing she’s got to hold onto.   
“I just rebuilt the relationships with the team. I don’t want to loose them.”  
“Just because you leave a professional setting doesn’t mean you loose the relationships you build there.” She throws you a disbelieving look so you continue. “This team is more than a team. You’re a family. They want you to be happy and it’s not like you can’t stay in touch.” She sighs softly and takes another drink. You wait for her to talk again, she doesn’t disappoint.   
“Logan I can’t loose them again.”  
“Emily. You won’t. Will they be sad to see you go? Yes, of course they love you. But this isn’t an ending to your personal relationships.”  
“What am I going to do without you?”  
“I’m only ever a phone call away.” She gives you a smile and you squeeze her hand. “Seriously Emily. I’m always here for you to talk to.”  
“Do you think I should take this opportunity?”  
“I don’t think it’s my place to tell you what to do.”  
“You are such a shrink.” She teases and you laugh.   
“Are you going to the wedding tomorrow?”  
“Yea. You?”  
“Yea, I don’t have a date though. Do you think that’s going to be weird?”  
“No. I’m not bringing anyone.”  
“You wanna be my date?” You ask with a laugh, unfortunately you can’t actually go with who you’d like to.   
“Yes! Let’s get this party started now!”   
“Should I call Garcia?”   
“Yes!” She pours herself another glass and you laugh dialing Garcia’s number.   
“Goddess of technology.” She quips when she answers.   
“Emily and I are drinking. Get over here.”   
“On my way. I’m bringing vodka.”  
“Good woman!” You laugh, God you love these people.


	10. Chapter 10

You wake the next morning sideways on your bed. You don’t feel hungover which is great because you probably drank more than you should have. Not as much as Emily had though, she groans from where she’s laying across the top of your bed. Garcia is still sound asleep at the foot of the bed. Apparently the three of you had decided to crash all on the bed, Garcia gives a soft snore and you chuckle quietly.   
“Food?” You murmur to Emily.   
“Coffee.” She grumbles back and you grin then slide off the bed. You get the coffee started first then get to the food. Before the pancakes are done Emily comes out and downs a cup of coffee.  
“How are you feeling?” You ask when she sits down on one of the stools at your counter.   
“Like I have a lot of thinking to do. Easter is giving me 48 hours.”  
“Let me know if you want to talk again.”  
“I will. Let Garcia know I’ll see her tonight. I should get going.”  
“You sure you don’t want to stick around for pancakes?”  
“I’m okay. Thank you. See you tonight.” She gives you a small smile then leaves your apartment, coffee mug still in her hand. You smile to yourself and a few minutes later Garcia comes out of your room looking dazed.   
“Where’s Prentiss?” She asks.   
“She had to get going. Coffee?”  
“Mmhmm.” She murmurs appreciatively as you slide a mug over to her. She eats two pancakes then heads out. You spend the day relaxing and getting ready for JJ and Will’s wedding.  
You’re not the first one there from the team, you find Morgan and Emily having a very serious looking conversation in one of the side rooms.   
“Logan!” Rossi calls seeing you standing in the doorway to head outside. “You look beautiful.” He says kissing you on either cheek.   
“Thank you Dave. You don’t look to shabby yourself.” You see your aunt in the background, and smile. They think they’re so stealthy but you’ve seen how they look at each other. “And I don’t think that Strauss disagrees with me.” You tease and he laughs softly.   
“You’re too observant kid.” He says giving you a smile.   
“It’s part of the job description.” You laugh, then give his hand a squeeze and then head over toward Morgan, Garcia and Emily. Before you get there Hotch, his son and a woman you don’t recognize arrive and Garcia sees someone then takes off looking upset. You follow her out to the backyard and are almost distracted from her when you see how beautiful the backyard is. As you pan the space you see Penelope standing off in the corner, you head over and are surprised to see the tears in her eyes.


	11. Chapter 11

“Penelope?” You ask softly. You don’t think she saw you coming and you don’t want to startle her.   
“Oh. Um Logan.” She clears her throat but it’s too late, she knows she’s busted.   
“Wanna talk about it?”  
“It’s Kevin. I miss him so much and then he comes here with her. And he was at the convention with her and I’m here alone. Going to the convention with Reid. Someone he knows that I’m not attracted to. It just makes my heart hurt so bad and it won’t stop hurting. Why won’t it stop hurting?” She blurts out, tears shining in her eyes.   
“Oh Penelope.” You say softly, “I’m sorry he’s hurting you. If it makes you feel better I don’t think he knows how much you still care about him.”  
“It doesn’t. It just makes it harder to hate him.” You don’t say anything, just look at her with a soft expression. Her heart is broken and she doesn’t need any advice. She just needs you to listen. “There’s something going on with Emily too. I could tell by the way she and Derek were talking to one another. But she won’t tell me and you can’t tell me so I just have to sit here and know something bad is coming.” She sucks down the rest of her drink, “I need another drink.”  
“No. Penelope you need water.” You argue narrowing your eyes at her.   
“I need liquid courage Logan. If I’m going to spend the whole night here with him. And her. Oh god.”  
“Pen, the last thing you need tonight is to drink too much and say or do something you’ll regret. You get way too honest when you’re drunk.”  
“I hate it when you’re right.” She grumbles and you laugh softly.   
“You don’t need any more courage. You’re one of the bravest people I know.” She looks at you skeptically. “You are. You fight crime with nothing but the internet and your brilliance. If that’s not amazing enough you’re one of the best people I know. If that’s not good enough for Kevin then he’s not good enough for you.”   
“God I love you Logan.” She says giving you a tight squeeze.   
“Come on, let’s go check out that fountain Derek’s got Jack at. I’ve never met Hotch’s son.”  
“Oh Jack is so sweet. You’ll love him.” She loops her arm through yours and leads you toward the fountain. “Hey Jack! Garcia calls and he turns around. He’s a softer version of his father, with bright eyes and lighter hair. "This is one of our new co-workers Logan.”  
“Nice to meet you.”  
“You too Jack. I have a question for you. Who do you like better, Batman or Superman?”  
“Batman!”   
“Good choice!” You high five him and receive a gap toothed smile in return.   
“This is Hotch’s girlfriend Beth Clemmons.” Girlfriend? How didn’t you know he had a girlfriend. You keep your facial expression pleasant but you’re honestly upset by this news. “Beth this is Dr. Logan Kalani the team’s psychologist.”  
“Oh, I’ve heard so much about you. It’s a pleasure.” You shake her hand, seething inside.   
“I wish I could say the same but Hotch isn’t very forthcoming.” You say lightly and she laughs.   
“He’s not much of a talker.” You’re about to ask what she does for a living when the man of the hour comes over. You smile and excuse yourself. You needed to get away from him. You had been so sure that you were making progress with him. Sure all you would get out of him was a response to two questions, how are you and how is Jack. You always asked the third question, is there anything you want to talk about today and you’d either get a flat no or no response at all. But he had told you about Jack and he had mentioned when Jack had good grades or when he scored a goal in soccer. You’re so mad, not necessarily at him, probably more at yourself for letting him fool you. You move into the house and toward a back room, unaware of the eyes following your progress through the window. You shut the door to the last room at the end of the hall and drop down on the bed. You close your eyes and bury your head in your hands. Damn him. Damn him for making you feel like this. Damn him for getting under the armor you’re supposed to have. Damn him for being able to read you, and damn him for following you back here and opening the door without bothering to knock. Damn him!


	12. Chapter 12

He doesn’t say anything at first. Just stands there and studies you with his hands in his pockets.   
“Is there something you need Hotch?” You ask. After all it is your job to listen to him if he needs to talk. Which apparently he doesn’t.   
“Are you okay?”  
“Fine.”   
“Don’t lie to me.” He doesn’t say it in a mean way but this statement enrages you. You clench your teeth to keep your temper in check and stare at him, your chest heaving. “I can tell you’re upset about something, and I know it has to do with me.”  
“It’s nothing Hotch.” You say as calmly as possible.   
“You’re lying.”   
“Oh, so now you want to talk? Right now? Right before JJ and Will get married?” You hiss, very professional Logan.   
“Is that what this is about? That I don’t want to be forced to talk to someone?”   
“Not someone. Me. I’ve been around for 48 weeks Aaron. For the first 20 sessions I let you just sit there, we just stared at the walls and maybe it’s my fault for allowing it but I thought I was slowly earning your trust. But I see now I was wrong.”   
“I trust you.” He protests.   
“Obviously not.”   
“Logan-”  
“No Aaron.” You cut him off, “Now is not the time for this discussion. Any other time I’d be thrilled you wanted to do this but right now isn’t fair to JJ and Will.” You stand and go to brush past him but he catches you by the arm and gently turns you to face him. He stares down at you so intensely that for a second you think he’s going to do something rash.   
“I don’t want you to be upset with me Logan.” He says softly. This is the most honesty you’ve gotten from him and your honestly a bit shaken by it.   
“Unfortunately Hotch, you don’t get to control my emotions.” You respond softly but firmly. You tug your arm from his grasp and move out of the room. You retreat into a bathroom for a moment and try to calm down. Your heart is pounding and you feel like you want to laugh and cry at the same time. He was actually open with you for once, but at what cost? You couldn’t be this emotional every time you had a session with him just to get a response. It wasn’t healthy or productive for either of you. You hear his footsteps stalk past the bathroom door and you take another steadying breath then head out of the bathroom nearly crashing into Emily.   
“Oh hey there you are.” She says with a smile that quickly vanishes when she sees the look on your face. “What’s wrong?”  
“Nothing.”  
“Logan.” She says gently and you have to clench your jaw again to keep the emotions at bay. “That’s your tell. When you’re upset about something you clench your teeth together. It doesn’t happen often but,” she stops talking suddenly and stares at you, “Hotch. This has to do with him doesn’t it?”  
“I can’t say anything Emily. I can’t talk about any of my clients to anyone else.”  
“You don’t have to. I’ll go strangle it out of him.” She turns on her heel and heads down the hallway.   
“Emily! Emily!” You whisper yell chasing after her. You grab her arm and she looks at you. “It’s nothing. I’m just tired and a little hungover.” You lie then smile at her. “Honestly. It’s nothing.” That’s when you hear the music start. “Come on or we’re going to miss the ceremony.” You loop your arm through hers and she looks at you suspiciously. It doesn’t help matters that you sit as far from Hotch as possible. You just really can’t deal with him right now. That’s when you see JJ and everything else takes a backseat to your friend and her wedding.


	13. Chapter 13

You know that Emily has made up her mind by the end of the night. You can tell that Morgan and Hotch know the decision she’s made too. You watched her dance with Morgan when suddenly there’d been a hand being held out in front of your face. You glanced over and saw it was Reid.   
“Come on. You’ve been hovering all night.” He’d said with a smile. You’d danced with him, then Morgan then the girls and then Rossi. You and Hotch had been thrown awkwardly together but luckily Jack had interrupted before too long.   
It’s almost 2am by the time you leave. Morgan and Penelope walk out with you. “God I’m exhausted.” Penelope says, her shoes hanging from the hand that isn’t wrapped through Morgan’s arm. He offers his free arm to you and you take it with a smile.   
“It’s been an emotional couple of days.” You say, holding back a yawn.   
“Seriously. We go from all almost being blown up to Will having a bomb strapped to him and Henry being held hostage to a wedding.”  
“Don’t forget you were almost strangled.” Penelope offers.   
“That too. And Hotch and Logan got into a fight.” You look at him sharply and Penelope looks past him at you wide eyed.   
“What are you talking about Morgan?” You ask raising a brow at him.   
“Come on Sweet Thing. I’m a profiler. When the two of you were dancing together it was like watching two teenagers who are mean to one another cuz they have a crush on each other. The two of you obviously got into it. Unless there’s another reason you both disappeared at the same time.”  
“You know better than that. Hotch isn’t that kind of man and you also know I can’t discuss my sessions with clients with others.”  
“Sometimes you suck.” Garcia quips and you laugh softly.   
“You love me anyway.” The three of you come to your car and you slip your arm out from under Morgan’s. “See you Monday.” You say giving Morgan a quick hug then Garcia one. They both say their goodbyes and you climb into your car and head home. You don’t turn on the radio and you keep most the lights off in your apartment when you get home. You don’t want to think about the whole Hotch situation but you can’t help it. What are you going to do about him? You can’t let him out of the sessions, that’s not your choice and they’re mandatory. You probably should talk to Erin about it but you don’t want to bring her in unless you have to. You can’t let him keep up the trend of not talking though. It’s clearly not doing anyone any good. You slide off the black dress letting it fall to the floor. You’ll get it in the morning. You pull off the gold bracelet and take out your earrings and drop them onto your dresser. You’ll give him two weeks off. Two weeks to think about his choices. One actually communicate with you, talk about what’s going on in his head. You unhook your bra then tug your pajamas on, dropping onto the bed you sigh. Option two he talks to Strauss. He’s not going to like those options but he doesn’t like you much right now anyway. Sleep comes quickly but it also brings bizarre dreams of being chased by bears that look like the team while trying to find the team. It’s all very confusing.


	14. Chapter 14

Monday morning you’re called in early. You have a case and it’s time to get back to business. The first thing Hotch does is inform the team that Emily has decided to move onto Interpol. She’d called you the day before to tell you she’d accepted Easter’s offer. You were excited for her but you’d miss her. She swore to stay in touch and you knew that she would do everything she could to keep that promise. The second thing he does surprises you. He tasks you with helping him find a team member to fill the position being left by Prentiss.   
“Unless you want to move into being a profiler.” He says with raised brows.   
“Not a chance. The 7 of you keep me plenty busy.” You get a laugh from Morgan and Garcia makes a noise in protest.   
“I just thought I’d offer. I have a stack of prospectives from Strauss in my office if you want to get started on the plane.” You nod. Garcia goes over the case and you can feel Hotch staring at you. You meet his gaze with a cool one of your own, you haven’t told him of the ultimatum yet, he is not going to be happy.   
“Wheels up in thirty.” Everyone gathers up their things and head out to the bullpen.   
“Logan.” Hotch calls and he nods you into his office. Perfect. “I don’t know if you’re going to want all of these or not.”  
“Hotch we need to talk.”  
“Now?”  
“I’ll be brief.” He nods so you continue, “I’ve done a lot of thinking about our conversation and I’ve realized that I let you have too much control. You are not in charge during the sessions. As much as you like being the boss that’s not how this is going to work anymore.” His mouth is set in a thin line but you continue. “I’m giving you a choice here. Either you actually start verbally communicating for at least half of the mandatory sessions with me or you’re going to have to go to someone else.”  
“Who?”  
“Strauss.”  
“What?” He snaps.   
“I’ve already talked to her about this and she wanted me to demand 45 minutes out of the hour but I’m willing to do baby steps.” You say calmly. You were expecting this reaction. “I’m giving you two weeks to think about this, two missed sessions. I expect your decision that second Friday. If you decide to continue with me and you don’t hold up your end of the deal I’ll have to bring Strauss in.” You grab the box of files off of his desk and head out without waiting for an answer. It’s nearly full, you’ve got a lot of work to do. Luckily the first case is in California so you have plenty of time to read through the files. Unfortunately you, unlike Reid, are not a speed reader, this is going to take a while.


	15. Chapter 15

Hotch decides to stay with you and his sessions have actually been really good. He hasn’t talked about Beth or Haley much, Haley at all other than to mention it was her birthday. That doesn’t bother you though, you don’t need to know about his sex life unless it directly effects the team. It takes the two of you nearly a month to agree on someone to fill Emily’s spot. JJ is back from her vacation but Morgan and Penelope have just headed off to go visit Emily for a week when the new agent, Dr. Alex Blake, is supposed to start. She’s a doctor of linguistics and has been in the FBI for a while. She’s perfectly qualified and you’re actually a little surprised that she wasn’t brought up sooner. You’re even more surprised when your aunt comes bustling into your office the day Dr. Blake starts.   
“You hired Dr. Alex Blake?”  
“Yes? Is there a problem?”  
“No. No.” She says distractedly and you don’t buy it at all.   
“Chief Strauss?” You never refer to her as aunt here, it’s always Strauss or Chief Strauss.   
“During your sessions with her my name might come up. A few years ago she and a few other agents took the fall for arresting the wrong man during a high profile case.” She sighs then continues, “I shouldn’t have let it happen but I did. It was when my drinking was at its worst.”  
“You know that isn’t an excuse right?” You ask gently, she’s talked to you about her drinking before and you’ve moved past the stage where she needs to be handled with kid gloves.   
“I know.” Your office phone rings then and glancing at the ID you see it’s Hotch.   
“Did you need anything else?”   
“No.” You nod then she heads out of your office as you pick up the phone.   
“This is Logan.”   
“She’s here. Can you come to the round room?”  
“I’ll be there in a minute.”  
“Thanks.” You grab your cell from your desk and head out to meet the newest team member and get ready for the next case. Entering the round room you reach a hand out to the new brunette. “Dr. Blake I assume?”  
“Yes, please call me Alex.” She shakes your hand with a smile.   
“I’m Dr. Logan Kalani I’m the team psychologist. I don’t know if Hotch has briefed you on my role yet.” She shakes her head so you continue, “Due to the stressful nature of your jobs the FBI has hired me to have weekly hour meetings with you to make sure that you stay as mentally healthy as possible.”  
“So I see you every week for an hour?”  
“It doesn’t have to be an hour strait but a total of an hour.”  
“What if we’re out on a case?”  
“I come with on cases.”   
“That’s handy.” She says with a smile.  
“I also help build profiles, not that I’m really needed but they’re kind enough to let me feel useful.” You laugh.   
“That’s not entirely true. Logan has been very helpful.” Hotch says softly and you’re surprised. Pleased but surprised.  
“Hear hear.” Rossi agrees.  
“Should we get started?” Hotch asks and you sit down, he starts the briefing and then the group of you head out.


	16. Chapter 16

Morgan and Penelope get back right before the next case. Things run smoothly for the next couple of months, you notice a change in Spencer but he doesn’t talk much about it and you’re pretty sure he’s seeing someone, or is sort of seeing someone. Then it tragically goes south, the girl that Reid has been seeing goes missing. The team doesn’t communicate much since they’re so focused on saving her and keeping Reid together. You’re sitting with a very stressed out Penelope in her office, you can’t let her see that you’re just as stressed out as she is. You’re both startled when Garcia’s door swings open with a bang. Turning toward the door with wide eyes you see Hotch standing there, he doesn’t say anything. He gently grasps your wrist and pulls you down the hall to your office, shutting the door behind you without letting go of your wrist. You see Morgan hurry past the window, JJ, Rossi and Blake standing in a cluster by the elevator. Reid. Where’s Spencer? You turn fearful eyes toward Hotch not daring to believe.   
“Spencer?” You breathe.  
“He’s alive.” That’s not exactly comforting. “He’s going to need you. The UnSub, she killed herself and Maeve.”   
“Oh God.” You gasp and you turn away from him to hide the tears that are pricking your eyes. You feel Hotch’s hand on your shoulder and he turns you toward him pulling your body to his and you let yourself cry against him. Taking comfort in the man who only six months ago you would have never dreamed of being able to be this open with, or him being this open with you. He’s got his arms tightly around you, like he needs someone to hold onto as much as you need someone. You compose yourself pretty quickly but Hotch doesn’t let go right away. You let him take his time, he lets you go a moment later and you look up at him.   
“Where is he?” You ask softly grabbing your bag.   
“JJ brought him home.”  
“I need you to take me.” He does that thing that he does with his mouth when he’s frustrated or disagrees with you. “Please Hotch.” He nods then the two of you hurry out of your office and down to one of the SUV’s. Neither of you talk on the way there, he leads you up to Spencer’s apartment door. “Head home. I’ll take an über home.” You say softly and he studies you then nods. You wait until he’s all the way down the stairs then you knock on the door in front of you. There’s no answer but you weren’t really expecting one.   
“Reid. It’s Logan. Please open the door.” You pull a bobby pin out of your hair. “I’m going to pick the lock if you don’t let me in.” You don’t get a response so you get to work on the lock. A second later you hear the bolt slide and the door opens revealing a red eyed Spencer. You pull him to you in a gentle hug and he sobs into your shoulder.


	17. Chapter 17

It takes Reid nearly a month and a half off before he comes back. He wouldn’t talk to anyone, not you, Morgan, Garcia or even JJ. You went and sat outside his apartment everyday and you knew you’re not the only one who was visiting. You don’t mention what happened when he comes back but you do watch him more closely. You’re worried about him relapsing and using Dilaudid again, to numb the pain. It’s something that you’re sure you’re not the only one on the look out for. He hasn’t quite been the same since he got back and he admitted to you that he wasn’t sleeping well. It’s making him short tempered and irritable. You know Rossi was going to talk to him. Three seems to be holding something back. It is obvious they are worried about-  
“We have a problem.” Garcia says tapping on your door. You glance up from your writing and see the stress on her face.   
“Okay, one second.” You lock the notebook you were writing in, Morgan’s from his last session, in the safe under your desk.   
“Why don’t you use a computer for that?”  
“It’s much harder to steal and use if they can’t just take it electronically.”  
“Good point. Which at this moment is a good thing. Someone has hacked in and shut my computer down.”  
“What? Is that the problem?” You stare at her in surprise. “Does the team know?”  
“Yea. I’m working on getting everything back up but it looks like Kevin and I are going to have to start from scratch.”  
“What can I do to help?”   
“I have something to show you. By the way why aren’t you out in New York with them?”  
“Strauss wanted me here. They’ve been working on something that they’re keeping from me. It’s starting to piss me off.” You follow her into Hotch’s office and see a cluster of boards, each one has pictures of the team on it. Surveillance shots of everyone, Morgan, Spencer, Hotch, Rossi, Strauss, JJ, Alex, and Garcia. “Oh my god.” You turn and hurry out the door. “Garcia send me their location!” You call as you dash to your office. You grab your gun, go bag and call in a favor from one of the helicopter pilots that you know. Fifteen minutes later you’re up in the air on the way to your team.   
You find them in a warehouse. The cops try to keep you out but you flash them your badge and move in. You find them in the center of the room, a woman is laid out on the bed and is surrounded by more boards with the team on them. This time you’re on the boards too. Morgan sees you first.   
“Hotch.” He says softly and Hotch looks up at him. Morgan nods over at you and when Hotch sees you his face darkens for a moment then he makes his way toward you.   
“I thought Strauss had ordered you to stay at Quantico.”  
“No she asked me to stay there.”   
“So you’re disobeying a direct order?”  
“Not exactly.” He gives you one of his famous Hotch glares, “I’m not leaving.”   
“Yes you are. You’re not trained for this, you’re not an agent, JJ.” JJ comes over looking as puzzled as you feel, “Take Logan back to the hotel. I’ll have other agents meet you there.”   
“Hotch!” You protest.  
“This is not an argument. Your face is up on those boards. You’re a target.”  
“So are you!”   
“Logan please!” The desperation in his voice causes your brows furrow for a second then you nod and you and JJ head back to the hotel. She leaves you with an Agent named Goulding.


	18. Chapter 18

You don’t hear anything from anyone for a couple hours. You’re going a little crazy, you can tell that something is happening but every time you try to get information from Agent Goulding he shuts you down with, “Ma'am I’ve been given orders not to tell you anything. Agent Hotchner will fill you in.” You want to scream this is so frustrating. What aren’t you being told? There’s a knock on the door, Agent Goulding glances through the peephole then opens the door. Hotch comes in and dismisses Goulding then shuts the door.  
“Hotch what is going on? That robot wouldn’t tell me anything.”  
“Strauss is dead.” Your knees buckle and you drop to the floor tears flood your vision but you manage to hold them back. “Logan?”  
“Oh god. Oh my god. You’re sure she’s-?”  
“Yes.”  
“I need to call my mom.”  
“What?”  
“My mom needs to know. Strauss is my aunt.” You look down at your phone, this was not a call you wanted to make.  
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”  
“You weren’t supposed to.” You take a deep breath then dial your mom’s cell she answers on the second ring.  
“Sweetheart. This is a surprise.”  
“Mom.” Your voice cracks with the emotion that you're trying to hold back.  
“Oh no. What happened?” She's gone from happy to hear from you to anxious in seconds.  
“It’s Aunt Erin.”  
“No.” She breathes, the horror obvious in her voice.  
“I’m so sorry mom.” The tears you held back are streaming down your cheeks now, “She was attacked by an UnSub. She didn’t know what hit her.” You hear her sob softly.  
“Are you okay? Are you safe?” She asks her voice breaking.  
“Yea I’m safe. I’ll call you with details about the funeral as soon as I have them.”  
“I love you.” She says softly.  
“Love you too mom.” You hang up then and sigh, you wipe your eyes and when you open them you see a hand being held down to you. You take it and he pulls you to your feet. “Please don’t say anything about my relation to Strauss.” He nods.  
“How did you get here?”  
“Flew. A friend owed me a favor.”  
“Are you going to fly back with us?”  
“If there’s room.”  
“Of course.” You follow him out and you meet the rest of the team at the entrance of the hotel.  
“Dave.” You say softly and you pull him into a hug. “How are you holding up?” You ask softly.  
“It still doesn’t feel real. How about you?”  
“I think I’m in the same boat. How did you know?”  
“I saw a picture of the two of you from when you were a kid.” You know what picture he’s talking about.  
“Thank you for not saying anything.”  
“Of course.” He’s silent for a while, staring down at the coffin.  
“Dave?”  
“I’m just so, angry.” He says with a quiet rage. “She was working so hard. Mending relationships, a year sober, working as a mentor. I was so proud of her.” The emotion clogs his throat.  
“We’re going to get this jackass.”  
“Yea. We are. You better go, I’m going to go meet your cousins and explain what happened. She smells like alcohol Logan. They’re going to be so disappointed in her.”  
“No. They won’t. Jason and I are closest, he was extremely proud of her and the woman she was. I think you helped with that.” You say grasping his arm. “Tell them the truth. And tell them if they need me to call.” He places his hand over yours on his arm and gives it a gentle squeeze.  
“I will. Thank you Logan.”  
“You call me if you need to talk okay?” He nods then the two of you part ways. You briefly rest a hand on your aunt’s coffin. Goodbye Aunt Erin. May your soul soon find peace, when this team finds the fucker who did this to you.


	19. Chapter 19

The team figures out who the replicator is rather quickly, especially for not having any technology up and running. You and Garcia stay behind listening into what is going on. When the chopper goes down both you and Garcia reach for the others hand. Kevin calls for information and you hold your breath while he talks to whomever is on the other side. When the team gets out of the home with the bomb you’re relieved. The funeral brings your two worlds together. You arrive with your mom, dad and brother Nate. You sit with the family then when the ceremony is over you drag your brother over to meet the team.   
“Guys?” Your team turns toward you, “I wanted to introduce you to my brother Nate. He’s a doctor in Boston. Nate, this is the team that I work with. Agents Aaron Hotchner, Dave Rossi, Derek Morgan, Jennifer Jareau, technical analyst Penelope Garcia and Dr’s Spencer Reid and Alex Blake.”  
“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” He says shaking the hands of each member of your team. “What kind of Doctors are you?”  
“I’m linguistics.” Alex says.   
“Mathematics, Chemistry and Engineering.” Reid tells him and Nate laughs softly.   
“You didn’t tell me you were working with a genius.” Nate nudges you with an arm.   
“They’re the best at what they do.”  
“With five doctorates in the mix I would hope so. Logs isn’t being too pushy is she?”  
“No she’s great.” Garcia beams over at you. “Although I wish she would have told us she had family so close by.”  
“Well I’m in Boston and our parents are in Hawaii. Aunt Erin was the only one who was here year round.”  
“They didn’t know she was our aunt.” You admit softly.  
“What? Why?”  
“They didn’t trust me in the first place. I thought if the team knew I was related to their boss they’d be more guarded. I should have told you. I’m sorry.”  
“No. You were right.” Morgan admits. “I hate to admit that.” He says with a small smile.   
“Are you coming to Rossi’s?” Alex asks softly and you shake your head.   
“My family needs me right now. But if any of you need to talk you know how to reach me.” You loop your arm through your brother’s for some stability on your heels in the grass and head back to your somber family.   
“They seem nice.” Nate comments quietly as you pick your way around graves back toward your family. “That Hotchner is an intimidating man.”  
“It’s an act.”  
“He has feelings for you.”  
“He’s seeing someone.”   
“Doesn’t change that he has feelings for you.” You roll your eyes.   
“Okay whatever Nate.” You say making your way over to your family. You glance back at your team before you leave and meet JJ’s eyes. She gives you a sad smile that you return then you head out.


	20. Chapter 20

Your parents stay for five days. The four of you help your cousins clean out Erin’s house. You ask to keep the picture Rossi had mentioned and your cousins agree to let you have it. You’re in touch with the team but you’ve taken a week off, no sessions unless they really need to talk, no paperwork, no cases just time to relax. A college friend, Melissa calls you Saturday night. You debate answering because you know what’s going to be on the other end.   
“Hello?”  
“Come to The Dog House with us tonight!” Sure enough, she’s trying to get you to come out. You’ve never been one for going out, too many people, you don’t care for crowds.   
“I don’t know Mel. I’m not really in the mood.”  
“You promised!” You can hear the music pounding in the background. “For my birthday you promised.” You groan softly. She’s right. You switch the phone onto speaker and change into a form fitting black dress. You clip your hair up and apply some eyeliner and lipstick all while Mel chatters about her week. That’s one of the things you love about being her friend. She can talk about nothing for days. You yank on a pair of red heels and grab your purse and pull open the door. Only to find a very startled Aaron Hotchner standing outside it. His hand raised to tap the door.   
“Hey Mel. I gotta go.”  
“No. No. No. No. Not again.”  
“It’s work. I owe you dinner.” You hang up then before she can protest more.  
“Sorry. Am I interrupting?” Hotch says softly.   
“No. More like saving me.” You give a quiet chuckle. “I didn’t want to go in the first place.” It’s then you realize that the two of you are still standing on either side of your doorway. “Oh my god. I’m so sorry. Come in.” He hesitates, “Hotch. You’re already here. You might as well come in.” You say with a smile. He does and you shut the door behind him, you throw the lock. “Make yourself at home.” You say turning to him. He’s studying the room, profiling it, he can’t help it. “Can I get you something to drink? I have water, pop, beer, chocolate soy milk, whiskey, coffee and tea.”  
“Water is fine. Thank you.” He’s standing in the center of your living room looking out of place. You get him a water and then drop down onto the couch. You never sit in the armchair when the team came in to talk to you. You don’t want them to feel like you’re their shrink, even if you are.   
“You can sit down if you’d like.”   
“Oh, thanks.” He sits on the other end of the couch and you kick off your heels. Tucking your feet under your body you wait for him to talk.


	21. Chapter 21

Hotch sighs softly, he tightens his grip on his water for a moment. In the past you might have thought he was stalling but since he’s come to you, when they’d been able to take a week off you know something is weighing on him.   
“How much do you know about Hailey?” He asks softly.  
“Only what you’ve told me.” Which isn’t much. You know she’s passed, you know when her birthday is and you know losing her broke Hotch’s heart.   
“It’s my fault she’s dead.”  
“No it’s not.”   
“His name was Foyet. George Foyet. He murdered her because I wouldn’t let him go free. I wouldn’t leave the investigation alone.”   
“You were doing what you thought was right.” You say gently.   
“Try telling that to her father.” He rubs his face with his hand, “It’s not like I’ve forgiven myself for not being able to save her. I tried but I can’t let go of the blame.” You’re quiet for a moment and to your surprise he continues. “I’m sorry I couldn’t save Erin.”   
“Hotch don’t do this to yourself. You are not to blame.” You say firmly, he looks at you in surprise. “These UnSubs target you because you’re the face of the BAU. You’re the Unit Chief so they think that if they can take you down they can take down the team.” He looks back down at the glass in his hand, “what happened to my aunt wasn’t your fault. I read the report. It was that psychos fault, he’s the one who killed all those people, threatened the team and tried to kill you all.”   
“And you.” He says so softly you almost miss it.   
“Only at the end.” You say nonchalant, “I don’t worry. I know you guys would do everything in your power to find me.”   
“Damn right we would.” You laugh softly. “How are you holding up?” He nods at the picture from your aunts.   
“I’m okay. I went and saw my shrink.”  
“You go to someone?”  
“Of course. I practice what I preach.”   
“Do you talk about us?”  
“Yes.”  
“So you’re not the only one who knows all these things.”  
“She doesn’t know your names and she doesn’t know specifics. Don’t worry, I know that you guys need to be able to trust me. I also told you I would be honest with you.”  
“That’s one thing I like about you. I never have to guess what’s going on in that head of yours.” He gives you a crooked smile, and you can’t help but return it.   
“I’m sorry I ruined your night.”  
“Seriously Hotch. This is much more my style. Just relaxing at home watching a movie or reading, I don’t like big crowds.”  
“Claustrophobic?”  
“No, I just don’t like being touched by strangers.”  
“I didn’t know that.”  
“Most people don’t. I don’t advertise it.” You laugh softly, you’re enjoying his company more than you thought you around. “How’s Jack doing?”  
“Good. He just won a contest in school for a paper he wrote. He’s spending the night at his best friend’s house.”  
“Nick right?”  
“Yea, good memory.”  
“It’s a job requirement.”   
“Have you eaten?” His sudden change in subject makes you smile.   
“No.”  
“Would you like to do some takeout? On me.” You’re surprised, you should probably say no, it seems too much like a date. But for some reason you decide to ignore that part of your brain.   
“That sounds like the best idea I’ve heard in a while. Chinese?”  
“Whatever you want.”  
What if what you want is him?


	22. Chapter 22

When you head back to work you don’t mention seeing Hotch during your time off. The team seems oddly stressed and when you have your meeting with Rossi you find out why. Apparently Hotch is being looked at to replace Strauss. He doesn’t seem to want the job and you personally don’t think he would do well in that position. A desk job is not a good fit for him. Hopefully the Director will ask you before any decisions are made. Sure enough you get a phone call from the Director’s office while you’re in Glendale with the team.   
“This is Dr. Kalani.”   
“Please hold for the Director.” A woman’s voice says.   
“Dr. Kalani?”  
“This is she.”  
“This is Director Davis Miller.”  
“Good afternoon Director.” Every member of the team looks at you the second that word is out of your mouth. “What can I do for you today?” You move out of the room and down to the end of an empty hallway, you need to get away from the prying ears of the team.   
“You work directly with the BAU team out of Quantico correct?”  
“Yes sir.”  
“We’re looking for someone to fill the position left by the late Erin Strauss.” You knew it. “What would your recommendation be in regards to Aaron Hotchner?”  
“I don’t think that would be the best idea.”   
“You don’t think he would be good in the position?”  
“That’s not what I said. Agent Hotchner would do a wonderful job as the Chief but I don’t think it would be the best job for him. He’s a man who needs to be in the field.”  
“Would you recommend anyone else from the team?”  
“No. Honestly sir, the best thing you can do for this team is to put someone in that position who isn’t going to shake things up. This team works extremely well, don’t throw a wrench into that.”   
“I’ll take that into account.”   
“If I could I’d like to meet the candidates. The mental health of this team is very important to me and I want to make sure that they don’t have any extra stress from their new boss.”   
“I can’t make any promises.”  
“I understand.”  
“How is the team doing after the loss? Any issues I should know about?”  
“No sir.”   
“Thank you for your time Dr. Kalani.”  
“Anytime sir.” You hang up the phone and head back to the conference room the team is working in. Once again every set of eyes swing toward you.   
“What was that about?” Morgan asks, not one to beat around the bush.   
“You know better than that.” You tease with a laugh. “It was nothing.”  
“The director isn’t just going to call you for no reason.” Spencer argues.   
“Focus on the case.” You reply dropping down into a chair to read some notes that Rossi has scrawled out.   
An hour later the team rushes out and when you get the call that they’ve arrested the UnSub you start to pack up. The real twist comes when Hotch gets a phone call while on the plane. He hangs up then turns to the team looking confused.   
“We got the wrong guy. Finger prints from the restaurant don’t match.”


	23. Chapter 23

Twins. You never would have guessed it would be twins. After Hotch talks to the twins mother he pulls you aside with a gentle hand on your lower back. “I want you to talk to her. Not as her shrink but use that knowledge to help us get a little deeper into her head.”  
“What are you thinking now?”  
“She’s got some mental issues. She feels entitled, not like she failed like the world failed her.”   
“So she doesn’t feel validated? Like she was good enough.”   
“Right.”  
“Okay. I’ll see what I can get.” You grab a pen and notebook then head into the interview room. “Hi Carla. I’m Dr. Logan Kalani. I was wondering if I could talk to you about your sons Jesse and Wallace.”   
“What kind of Doctor are you?”  
“I specialize in brain chemistry and development.” It’s a fancy way to say you’re a psychologist without actually saying that. “I’m really fascinated in this case because it brings nature vs nurture into the spotlight.”   
“What do you mean?”  
“Well, how long have you known your son Jesse.”  
“I haven’t seen him since that day.” You jot down some notes then continue.   
“Alright. How long have you been having issues with Wallace?”  
“He’s always been troubled. I should have kept Jesse.” Her eyes widen when she realizes what she’s said and she tries to backpedal, “I mean I love Wallace so much but I just I couldn’t give him the help that he needed.”   
“Parents of troubled people often feel that way. Helpless. There’s nothing wrong with that. What kind of things did Wallace like to do as a child?”  
“He liked bugs and snakes. Like most boys.”  
“Did he have any favorites?”  
“Praying mantis. That snake that squeezes its pry to death. I don’t remember any other ones.”  
“That’s fine. How long have you known Jesse.”  
“I don’t.” You don’t believe her.   
“One last question, whose the father?” She glares at you and you hold the look, you’ve dealt with worse, Aaron Hotchner worse in fact.   
“I’ll never tell you.” She hisses after a few minutes. There’s a tap on the door and then it opens. Morgan beckons you out and you comply.   
“That woman is a vindictive narcissist.” You say to Morgan as the two of you walk down the hallway.   
“We’ll find them.”  
“Them?”  
“They’re working together now.”  
“What?”   
“We’ve found evidence that they’re together, they killed and raped a woman-”  
“I don’t need to know more. Thanks.” You cut him off. He chuckles softly causing you to grin. Carla goes bustling past you and you see Hotch lean over to the detective working the case who nods then hurries away.   
“What did you find out?” He asks as you and Morgan walk up.   
“She’s a vindictive narcissist. Her identity is wrapped up in being the best, she doesn’t feel like she’s done anything wrong. It’s the world that’s done her wrong.”  
“Did you get who the father was?”  
“No.”   
“They were having a good fashion stare down when I pulled her out.” Morgan adds, “Carla’s got a mean look.”  
“It’s nothing compared to some people I know.” You mutter loudly and nod your head toward Hotch. You get a laugh from both Morgan and Rossi and Hotch bites back a smile. He attempts to glare at you but when you grin over at him he breaks into a soft smile.


	24. Chapter 24

Hotch doesn’t get the job. He’s not the only one who seems relieved about that, including you. It’s pretty quiet for the next few months, at least until one night when you get a frantic phone call from JJ’s husband Will looking for her. When you tell him you don’t know he asks for Hotch. You hurry to his office and pass him your phone.   
“This is Hotchner.” Will speaks, “No. I don’t know where she is.” He’s quiet again, “come in.” He hangs up and passes your phone back, your fingers brushing sending a jolt through you.   
“What’s wrong?”  
“JJ is missing.” Your heart drops and you cover your mouth with a hand in horror. Hotch catches your arm, “we’ll find her. Will is coming in, I want you to take Henry.” He says softly, and you nod.   
“Do you want me to tell the team?”  
“No, I’ll do it. I want you to get Garcia on tracking her phone right away.”   
“Okay.” You hurry out of the room getting the attention of the team.   
“JJ is missing.” You hear Hotch say from behind you as you move through the bullpen toward Garcia’s office.   
“Hey you!” She says with a smile as you walk in, “oh no. What’s wrong?”  
“I need you to track JJ’s phone.”  
“Why?”  
“She’s missing.” Garcia flies into action moving so quickly that you can’t even register what’s popping up on her screen before it vanishes.   
“Logan,” Hotch says you turn and see Will and Henry in his pajamas.   
“Garcia I’ll be in my office with Henry. Keep me as in the loop.“ She nods and you take Henry from Will, “Henry should we go watch a movie in my office?” He nods.   
“He likes Thomas the Train.” Will says softly, you nod then carry the little boy to your office, turning the computer to face the couch you grab a blanket you keep next to it, for the long nights you need to crash at the office. You snuggle up on the couch with Henry and turn on the first episode of Thomas the Train Engine. He’s sound asleep before the end of the first episode and you’re asleep before the end of the second.


	25. Chapter 25

Hotch shakes you awake a few hours later. “It’s okay. It’s just me.” He whispers, Henry is still asleep on your chest. “We found JJ. I wanted you to know before we took off.”  
“Go.” You whisper. “Bring her home.” He nods and then hurries from the room. You stay put with your phone in your hand, anxiously waiting to find out if she’s okay. Oh god please be okay. You get the call a half hour later. They’ve got her, she’s okay a little worse for the wear but okay. Cruz is alive too, he was stabbed but the paramedics say that he should be okay. Everyone is going out for drinks, Hotch arranged for Jessica to watch Henry. They want you to come out too, Emily is here for a few hours and she’s the one who calls. Hotch texts you his address to drop off Henry. A half hour later you find yourself walking into The Founding Fathers where the team has a drink waiting for you.   
“Cranberry Vodka.” Emily says with a smile. You take the drink from her and wrap her in a tight hug.   
“It’s great to see you.” Taking a drink you grasp JJ’s hand with your free one. “I’m so happy to see you. Call me anytime.” She nods and gives your hand a squeeze. It’s a fun night, the ten of you talk and laugh and enjoy being together. You’re more than a little relieved that JJ and Cruz are okay. The night ends when the bar closes at 2. You start down the street toward the subway when Hotch stops you by calling your name.   
“Logan?” You turn toward him. “Where are you going?”  
“Subway. That’s how I got Henry to your place. I couldn’t drive him because I don’t have a car seat.”   
“You took him on the subway, alone that late at night?”  
“Yea. I’ve found most people don’t mess with someone with a FBI ID and gun.”   
“Good point. Get in.” He nods over at his SUV.   
“You don’t need to.” You protest half heartedly. You don’t really want to take the subway again. It’s slow and full of drunk people at this time of night.   
“I know.” He gives you a half smile, “quit being so stubborn and get in the car.” You laugh softly and comply.   
“Have you gotten an update on Cruz?”  
“Not yet. Can you try to get JJ to talk before she comes back?”  
“Of course.” You sigh, “I was so scared for her.”  
“We all were.”  
“Hmm.” You hum and he glances over at you.  
“What?”  
“It’s just nice that I don’t have to drag stuff out of you anymore.”  
“Oh.” He sounds like he wants to say more but doesn’t.   
“What?” You prompt.   
“Thanks for being so patient with me, even if you did sort of have to force me to talk. Did you hear that they have let some of the other teams decide if they want to keep their shrinks or not?”  
“I did. I keep wondering when I’m gonna get the axe.”  
“We all trust you.”   
“Good.” You say thoughtfully.   
“Okay, what now?”   
“I got an offer to work with youth again.  
It’s closer to my family and is a really great opportunity.”  
“When did this offer come?”  
“Two days ago.”  
“Are you going to take it?”  
“I don’t know.” You take a calming breath, an attempt to keep the emotion from your voice. “I don’t feel like it would be fair to JJ to leave now.”  
“But it’s not fair for you to have to stay either. You need to do what’s best for you.” You sigh again and your phone starts to buzz.   
“Cruz?”  
“What?”  
“Cruz is calling me.” You put the phone to your ear, “This is Dr. Kalani.”  
“Dr. Kalani. Matt Cruz. Do you have a minute to talk?”  
“Of course sir.”  
“Would you come to St. Mary’s? I’m in room 498.”   
“I’ll be there as soon as possible.”  
“Thank you.”  
“Anytime.” You hang up with him then and turn to Hotch. “Change of plans. Can you bring me to St. Mary’s?”  
“Yep.” He swings the car around and heads toward the hospital. Cruz was going to be new territory for you. As was torture. This could be really hard.


	26. Chapter 26

You stop Hotch with a hand on his chest at the door to Cruz’s room. He looks down at your hand and you pull it away quickly.   
“You can go home. I’ll get a cab.”  
“I can wait.” You shoot him a look then turn the knob to Cruz’s room.   
“Where do you think you’re going?” A nurse demands rushing over. “Visiting hours are over.”  
“I’m his psychiatrist.”   
“I don’t care if you’re his wife. You’re not going in there.” She snips.   
“Yes. She is.” Hotch’s deep voice comes from behind you. “FBI.” She glares at the pair of you then sighs heavily and hurries away.   
“Thanks.” You say softly, not turning toward him then heading into Cruz’s room. His eyes are closed and a machine is beeping. It is almost three in the morning but when the door clicks shut his eyes fly open. “Sorry.” You mutter.   
“It’s okay.” He says, “sorry I called you here so late.”  
“It’s fine. I’m glad you called. How are you feeling?”  
“Tired. Confused. Is JJ okay?”  
“Yea. She’s home with her family.”  
“Good. When they brought her in I knew it wasn’t going to be good. I wanted to stop her from getting hurt and I couldn’t.”  
“But you did.”  
“No. She was tortured. I couldn’t stop it.” He goes to sit up a bit more and winces.   
“Sir. You need to rest.” You say softly as you move toward his bed. “You’re both going to be okay. The players are all dead, it’s over.” You place a hand on his shoulder and ease him back onto the bed. “You need to rest, you need to sleep.”  
“I can’t.” Ah. There it is.   
“Nightmares?”   
“Yes.” He whispers. “I close my eyes and I’m back in that room. I’m back hanging there by my wrists and JJ is being-” he breaks off with a shutter.   
“I want to try something with you. It’s a form of hypnosis. A roommate of mine used to get horrible night terrors then our teacher made this for her.” You find the recording in your phone and send it to him then when his phone buzzes you open and save the recording.   
“I don’t know about this.” He protests.   
“Sir-”  
“Matt. Please, call me Matt.”  
“Okay, Matt, I use this after a tough case or session. I don’t have dreams and I wake up feeling rested. You can’t use it every night because that will dull the effects and make it harder for you to get normal sleep. What do you think? Give it a try or no?”  
“Yea. I’ll try it.”   
“Close your eyes. Call me if you need me.” He nods then closes his eyes and you start the recording, you leave the room and crash into Hotch.   
“Woah.” He says steadying you, “The nurse was threatening to kick you out.”   
“Oh.” You stifle a yawn. It is after all, almost four in the morning. “You must be exhausted.” You say as the two of you head out of the hospital.   
“I’m okay. I’ve run on less.” He says unlocking the SUV.   
“Hotch that’s not healthy.” He lives on the other side of town, he’s not going to get home until after five. “Stay at my place tonight.”  
“What?” He looks over at you in surprise.   
“I’ll sleep on the couch, I’m not comfortable with you driving all the way across town to go home.” He’s still staring at you, something in his eyes that you can’t quite place. “Please Hotch.”  
“Okay.”


	27. Chapter 27

You wake the next morning to the sound of your chirping phone. Reaching blindly for it above your head you almost knock it off of the armrest of the couch before catching the cord.   
“Hello?” You grumble into it.   
“Morning sunshine!” Alex responds cheerfully. “I was wondering if you wanted to join me for lunch. A late lunch.” She amends.   
“What time is it?” You ask rubbing your face.  
“10.”   
“Good thing it’s a Saturday.” You chuckle.  
“Otherwise Hotch would be busting down your door to make sure you were okay.” Alex adds with a laugh of her own. Hotch. Is he still in your house?   
“True. Where do you want to go for lunch?”  
“I was thinking I’d cook.”  
“Oooh home cooked meal from Alex Blake. What time should I be there?”  
“12:30 work okay?”   
“Yea I’ll see you then.” You hang up then arch your back with a soft groan. Sitting up you see that Hotch’s shoes and coat are still by your door. You get up quietly and start on breakfast, you’re mixing the eggs and milk when you hear your bedroom door open with a soft click.   
“Good morning.” Hotch says, his voice deep.   
“Good morning. Eggs?”  
“Please. Coffee?”  
“I have a Keurig. Flavors and cups are above it in cupboard.” You hear him moving behind you, “what do you want in your omelette?”   
“Whatever you’re having.” You cut some bacon, onion, cheese and ham and throw it into the omelette. Scooping one onto a plate you pass it to him before starting on your own. “Thank you. Do you want coffee?”  
“Yea, if you could start a vanilla for me that’d be great.”   
“How did you sleep?” He asks as you sit next to him at the counter with your plate. He’s put your cup of coffee there, and you take a sip of the hot liquid.   
“I crashed hard.”  
“Good, I felt bad taking your bed.”  
“Don’t. I end up sleeping on that couch more often than not.”  
“Why?”  
“It’s so comfortable. I sort of end up falling asleep while I watch tv. I think I inherited it from my mom.” You laugh softly, “she does the same thing.”  
“I don’t know if that’s something you can inherit.” Hotch says with a smile. God you love that smile. “Have you thought anymore about that job?”  
“No.” You lie.   
“Logan.” Hotch says calling your lie.   
“I really don’t want to talk about it Hotch.” You say spearing some omelette with your fork.   
“Isn’t that when you would tell me I should talk about it?”  
“Ah. But you’re not my psychiatrist.” You say before popping the bite into your mouth.   
“Alright. But if you do decide you want to go please let me know so I can break it to the team.”  
“I’d like to do it if I do.”  
“Okay.” He’s quiet for a while until his phone rings. “Hey buddy.” Jack. You finish your small omelette and pop your dishes into the dishwasher before filling the sink to do the dishes. You tune out Hotch as you work, scrubbing the pan your mind drifts. You have been with the team for almost four years, and as long as JJ is okay you’re comfortable leaving them to a new psychiatrist. This job would be perfect for you. You specialized in youth and they want you to basically run the program. The only thing that is holding you back is the team.   
“Logan?” Hotch’s voice snaps you out of your thoughts.   
“Sorry what?”  
“I wanted to know where to put my dishes.”  
“Oh. You can leave them there. I’ll throw them in the dishwasher when I’m done.”  
“Are you okay?”  
“Fine. Just thinking.” He moves behind you and the dishwasher pops open. You didn’t know it would be this easy to be with him in a non work way. His hand brushes your leg as he grabs the towel hanging from cupboard under the sink. “What are you doing?”  
“Helping clean up.” He looks over at you like this should have been obvious.   
“You don’t have to.”  
“Logan?” You look over at him, “shut up.” He says with a smile as he plucks the clean pan from your hand. You laugh and continue to work in comfortable conversation.


	28. Chapter 28

At 12:30 you pull into Alex and James’ driveway. The front door is open to a screen, it’s a beautiful day out and Alex does love the fresh air. You tap on the side of the door, “Alex? It’s Logan!” You call.   
“Come on in! You can leave your shoes on!” You hear her call back, the door creaks softly when you open it. “I’m in the kitchen, straight through.”   
“It smells amazing in here.” You say dropping down into a chair on the other side of the island.   
“I had some veggies that needed to be used from the garden, so we have salsa, and fresh spaghetti sauce.   
“Yum!”   
“I have some garlic bread in the oven. How do you feel about eating outside?”  
“Oh it’s beautiful out. I brought this.” You pull a jug of Mama’s Lemonade out of your bag.   
“Where did you find this? This is the best lemonade ever.”   
“Organic too!”  
“So good.” She takes the jug from you and sticks it directly into the freezer.   
“Is there anything I can do to help?” You ask, from your perch on the stool.   
“No, I was kind of hoping to bounce something off of you.”  
“Okay shoot.”  
“James has asked me to quit the FBI and move to teaching full time. He’s left Doctors Without Boarders and has taken up a position at Harvard. There’s an opening for me there too. The school knows that the professor is retiring within the next two years so I have time to make a decision. I want to be with him, I miss being a couple, but at the same time I fought so long and so hard to get where I am in the FBI I don’t want to leave.”  
“I’m assuming James didn’t give you an ultimatum.”  
“That’s correct.” She continues to stir the sauce she’s making as she continues. “It’s just, after everything that’s happened these past two years, Strauss, Maeve, being stalked, almost blown up, JJ, it’s really put some things into perspective.”  
“What kind of things?”  
“Did you know I had a son?” You shake your head no, you didn’t. “Ethan. He was 9 when he died. It was a brain illness, there’s no name for it but when he died James and I-.” She breaks off and swallows, “It was hard. I don’t want something to happen to me and leave James alone like that. This job can be so dangerous, even when you’re surrounded by the best people.”  
“If he hadn’t suggested it would you have wanted the job at Harvard?” You ask as she drains the noodles.   
“No.”  
“All I’m going to say is that Cambridge is a lot closer than Cambodia.”  
“Very true. Everything is ready.” She passes you a plate and you load it up with noodles and add some sauce then grab the lemonade out of the freezer. Tucking it under your arm you grab the two cups that are out and head to Alex’s backyard table. She comes out with her own plate and a plate with the garlic bread on it. The two of you spend the meal talking. She tells you more about Ethan and you share a few stories about your family too. Nate was quite the troublemaker when you were kids leaving you with plenty of stories of his mischief.   
When you head home later that afternoon you find yourself thinking over the job offer you’ve gotten. You do miss home, especially in the winter. You needed to talk with JJ at least once before you made your decision. Luckily you’d bought some time with the youth center because of the weekend but it still wasn’t as much thinking time as you’d hoped it would be god this sucked.


	29. Chapter 29

You call JJ the next morning. She answers on the second ring, “Hi Logan.”   
“Hey can I swing by before I head to work? I’ll bring donuts from ‘Donut You Want More?’”   
“Deal.”   
“Any specific type you’d want?”   
“No bring whatever.”   
“Sounds good. I’ll be there in a half hour.”   
“See you then.” You’re surprised how normal she seems. You finish getting ready for work and then swing by ‘Donut You Want More?’ For some donuts for JJ and her family. You pull up to their house to find the entire family outside playing in the front yard. You climb out with the small box of donuts and hear Henry squeal.   
“Logan!”   
“Hi sweet boy!” You grin down at him and when Will unlocks the gate for you Henry crashes into your legs. “Woah!” You laugh.   
“Henry let Logan in please.” JJ says grinning down at her son. You pass her the donuts then tickle Henry. He lets go with a scream of laughter and you chase him into the yard. JJ laughs and leads you into the house.   
“How are you doing?” You ask as the door swings shut behind you.   
“I’m sore but grateful.”   
“Any flashbacks?”   
“No. Honestly, I’m just so relieved to be alive and with the people who love me I can’t be anything but grateful.”   
“That’s good to hear.” You study her for a moment and can tell she’s not lying. Her body language is surprisingly at ease.   
“I was just so angry.” She says softly. “When I was overseas I found out I was pregnant. They placed an IED and when I came to they told me I lost the baby. He killed my child.” Her voice is tight, “I’ve never hated someone like that.”   
“JJ. I’m so sorry. Does Will know?”   
“Yes. I told him right after it happened. I’m just so angry.”   
“That’s understandable.” You say gently, “JJ he’s dead. They both are, neither of them will hurt you or anyone else ever again. All thanks to you.”   
“And the rest of the team.” She says cutting one of the donuts into pieces. “Henry! Come have a snack.” She calls.   
“How long are you going to stay out?”   
“Maybe a couple of weeks.”   
“Take as much time as you need. I’ll put in the paperwork for however much you need.”   
“Thanks Logan. Did you want a donut?”   
“No thanks. I do have to get going though.” You say with a smile. You give her a hug then study her face for a second. She’s got that slightly haunted look in her eyes that you’ve seen before on every member of this team. “You’re going to be okay. Call me anytime.” You say softly and she nods. You head out the door knowing you’ve made your decision.


	30. Chapter 30

An hour later you walk into Hotch’s office. He looks up at you. “You’ve decided haven’t you?”   
“Yes.”   
“You’re leaving.” He doesn’t bother asking. “Yes.” You say quietly.   
“Do you want to tell the team now?”   
“Please.” He nods then calls the team into the round room.   
“What’s going on Hotch?” Morgan asks sitting down next to Garcia whose looking anxious. “Is JJ okay?” She asks.   
“Yea, JJ is fine.” You assure her, “I just wanted to tell you that I’ve accepted another job.”   
“You’re leaving?” Spencer asks softly.   
“I am. It’s time. I love all of you, I don’t want you to think this has anything to do with you. I just really miss working with youth and I have the opportunity to build this program from the ground.”   
“Where is it?” Garcia says with tears in her eyes.   
“Hawaii. The Big Island.” You say softly and you receive a few looks of surprise from Reid, Garcia and Hotch. “It’s where I grew up. Where my parents are.”   
“When do you leave?” Rossi asks.   
“Next Thursday.” He nods then Garcia sniffles and gets started on the new case.   
The following week flies by the case goes smoothly and you get time to go talk to JJ before you leave. The Sunday before you leave there’s a knock on your door. Your place is a disaster, boxes everywhere with most of them only half packed. You climb over the back of your couch and unlock the door. Pulling it open you’re surprised to see the entire team standing there.   
“Uh, hi.” You say. “What are you guys doing here?”   
“We came to help you.” Garcia says with a teary grin.   
“You guys didn’t need to.”   
“We know.” Morgan says coming in. “But if you’re going to be on time to that new job of yours you’re gonna need help.” You laugh softly and the group gets to work.   
Morgan takes your last box down to the truck and you thank everyone for coming promising to buy lunch the next day. Hotch is the last one to leave. He stares at you for a second before shutting the door. You look at him puzzled. “Are you okay?” You ask and he nods. He looks conflicted for a second then takes a half step toward you.   
“I’m just going to miss you.”   
“I’ll miss you too. I’m only a phone call away.”   
“It’s not the same.” He says softly.   
“I know. If you ever get to Hawaii you’re welcome to stay on my couch.” You give him a small smile. Then he closes the distance between the two of you and pulls your body to his. He wraps his arms around you tightly, and after you get over the shock of his embrace you wrap your arms around him. You close your eyes and rest your head against his chest, neither of you say anything. You stand there in his arms, dreading your decision to leave but also knowing that this would never be possible since you where his psychiatrist.


	31. Chapter 31

It’s been eight months. You’ve settled nicely into life in Hawaii and you’re enjoying the sunshine. The program is going well and you’re really pleased with the staff you’ve assembled, and your patients are all making progress. There’s a tap on your door and Maye sticks her head in. “What’s up?”   
“The FBI is here.” Your head whips up and you stare at her with your mouth open. It couldn’t possibly be them. You hurry from your office with Maye trailing closely behind you. Sure enough you know those backs. “Derek! Spencer!” You exclaim they turn and you see the surprise register on their faces.   
“Logan!” Spencer grabs you in a tight hug spinning you around. You laugh and he places you back on your feet.   
“Hey sweet thing.” Morgan says with a grin as he wraps his arms around you.   
“Are you guys here for business or pleasure?”   
“Well now that we get to see you it’s pleasure.” Morgan flirts and Maye snorts.   
“Oh sorry. Maye these are my former clients and my friends SSA Derek Morgan and Dr. Spencer Reid. Guys this is Maye Mahelona, our welcome committee.”   
“That’s just her nice way of saying that I’m the receptionist.” She says with a laugh.   
“So what can I do for you guys?”   
“We’re looking at one of your clients as our UnSub.”   
“Oh no.” Your shoulders drop. “Who?”   
“Mike Winters.”   
“No. No way.” You shake your head. Mike was as nonviolent as they came. He was depressed but sweet and had been making progress.   
“Could we look at his file?”   
“No. I mean you can but you won’t be able to read it anyway.”   
“Whys that?”   
“I write in a code. I always have. Especially with your files, and since he’s not dead I can’t give you the files or tell you anything about him because it would be illegal. Unless you have a warrant.” The two men look at one another and you know that they don’t. “Give me the profile. I can tell you if he fits it.”   
“We’re looking for a ‘mainlander’ in his early to mid-twenties. He’s a loner who suffers from anxiety issues that make it hard for him to make close relationships.” Reid rattles off.   
“That doesn’t fit Mike. I have a couple other people that might fit. Can I come with you guys?”   
“Yea. The team is going to freak. We were hoping to surprise you when we were done with this case. We didn’t know this was the place you were running.” Morgan says with a grin.   
“Let me grab my bag. Maye funnel my two appointments to John and Perri.”   
“Sounds good. I’ll let them know.”   
“Thanks. If there’s an emergency call.” She nods and you grab your bag from your office. Morgan throws an arm over your shoulders.   
“You get to meet our new shrink.” He doesn’t sound pleased.   
“Oh god.”   
“He’s a jerk.” Reid adds as the three of you climb into the SUV. “You’ll get to meet our new team member too. Kate Callahan. She’s great.”   
“What happened to Alex?”   
“She’s fine. We had a case go way south and she decided to leave. She’s teaching full time with James.” Reid says.   
“Is that where your scar came from?”   
“Yea.”   
“The dirty cops. Garcia and I have been in touch.” You chuckle.   
“Of course you have.“ You pull up to the station and head in behind Morgan and Reid. The first thing you see a sign on a door that says ‘In Session’.   
“Oh for god sake.” You say with a groan, stalking toward the door and yanking it open.


	32. Chapter 32

“Excuse me! This is a private session!” The new shrink says looking outraged. You peel the sign off the door and rip it into two.   
“Now it’s not.” That’s when Hotch’s head whips around toward you.  
“Logan.” He says softly and you smile.  
“You can’t be in here.” The shrink glares at you and you laugh.   
“Please. Like you can intimidate me, I’ve been on the business end of Hotch’s glare more times than I can count.”  
“And you are?” Oh this guy is a pompous jerk.   
“Dr. Logan Kalani, I was the team shrink before you. A word of advice, this” you shake the ripped paper, “is going to get them to close ranks. If you actually want the team to talk to you you’re going to want to treat them with respect and honesty.”  
“Piss off.” He grumbles.   
“Hey!” Hotch snaps looking furious.   
“Another thing. You probably shouldn’t insult the people they care about.”   
“How did you know we were here?” Hotch asks standing and coming toward you.   
“Morgan and Reid wandered into my office.” You grin up at him. God you missed him.   
“You run YOUmatter?”  
“Yea.” You take his hand and pull him out of the room. “I don’t want him listening to our conversation.” You whisper. You haven’t exactly let go of his hand but when you go to you find his fingers wrapped tightly through yours. You look down at your smaller hand in his and continue. “I’ve missed you.” You’re thankful that the room you’re in isn’t one of those weird windowed rooms, you know the whole team would be staring and you just know you’re blushing.   
“I’ve missed you too.” He admits softly and he takes your chin in his free hand. He presses his lips to yours briefly and you’re pretty sure you’ve died and gone to heaven. He pulls away and you keep your eyes closed, just in case this is a dream you don’t want to wake up from it yet. “Can I see you after this case is over? Jessica is taking Jack to Disney as a surprise for the end of school. I can take a couple of days off and stay a few extra days.” You open your eyes and smile up at him.   
“I’d love that. I can show you around the island, and I could teach you how to surf if you wanted.”  
“You surf?”  
“My dad is native Hawaiian. Of course I know how to surf.” He chuckles and you smile back.  
“I wish you still lived in DC.” He says sadly.   
“If I did we couldn’t do this.”  
“I know.”   
“We should get out there. I said I’d help with the profile, it doesn’t fit Mike Winters.”  
“That’s nice of you.” You go to head out of the room you’re in when he tugs you back toward him. “One more.” He mutters then his lips are on yours again.


	33. Chapter 33

Who knew three days could be so damn long. You’re right about it not being Mike and luckily it’s not either of the men that you thought of either. The team stays an extra day and you show them a few of the best kept Hawaiian secrets. Hotch takes time off, six days of it, to spend with you. He’ll still be in touch with the team because he’s Hotch but other than that he’s all yours. You wake up curled up next to him that first morning and you can’t keep the smile off of your face. He’s already awake, “Good morning.” He says, his voice rough.  
“Morning.” You wrap one arm around his torso and he kisses the top of your head. “What do you want to do for breakfast?” You ask.   
“Whatever you want to do is fine.” He murmurs and you look up at him in concern.   
“Everything okay?”  
“Yea. You’re just very distracting.” He smiles and you laugh.   
“Oh? I’m distracting?” You slide your fingers across his chest and he catches them with his far hand pinning your hand between his and his chest.   
“Very.” You look up at him and he presses his mouth to yours. God you could get used to this. Keeping your lips on his you raise up to your knees and throw one leg over his waist. He slides his hands up your legs and onto your hips. You tear your mouth from his and kiss along his jaw, he groans and brings one hand up under your shirt. His hand grazes your spine burning a trail across your skin. Then your phone rings.   
“Nooo.” You groan dropping your head to Hotch’s shoulder.   
“You could ignore it.” He suggest his fingers sliding across your shoulder blades.   
“That’s my emergency tone. You reach over to the nightstand and pluck the phone from it not moving from you place over Hotch. “This is Dr. Kalani.”   
“I know you’re on vacation but the President is here to see you.”  
“Dr. Jacobs?”  
“Yes. Can you be here in less than ten?”  
“Yep. Let him know I’m on my way.” You hang up and roll off of Hotch. “The president of the company has just shown up for no apparent reason. I’m so sorry. I’ll be as quick as I can.” You say grabbing a skirt and blouse from your closet and hurrying to the bathroom. “Make yourself at home.” You say peeling your pajama shirt off. “Try not to work, relax.” You yank on your bra and shirt then wiggle into the skirt. Washing your face then twisting your hair up into a messy bun you nearly crash into Hotch as you enter the bedroom again. “Sorry. God Hotch I’m so sorry.”  
“Aaron.”   
“Aaron.” You repeat with a soft smile on your lips. “I’m so sorry.”  
“Don’t be. Logan I understand, stay in touch.” He kisses you softly and you wish you could just stay here for the rest of the day.


	34. Chapter 34

“Dr. Kalani. I’m sorry for interrupting your vacation time.” Dr. Jacobs says when you walk into the office.   
“Don’t be sir. I understand emergencies pop up.” You shake his hand, “it’s nice to see you again sir. Why don’t we move into my office?” He nods and you sit down in your chair and he sits across the desk from you.   
“I just wanted to drop in and thank you for the amazing job you’re doing here.”   
“Why do I get the feeling you’re going to ask me to leave?” You ask, your stomach dropping.   
“Because you’re very good at your job.” He pauses then leans forward. “Of the three new facilities we have this one has easily been doing the best. Your clients are all doing well. You have the least amount of turnover with staff. We want you to do it again, you’ve got a real knack for placing people with the right psychologist. In this line of work that’s extremely important.”   
“Where?”   
“North Carolina. I know you just left the east coast but this would bring a pay increase, we would help with moving expenses and you would be in charge of the whole eastern coast.”   
“Why so far south if it’s the whole east coast?”   
“I remember you saying you were ready to get out of the cold. The other offices are in Boston, DC, New York and Philadelphia.”   
“So I’d be running five branches?”   
“Yes.”   
“Can I take the rest of my vacation time to think about it?”   
“Of course. You’re back next Monday?”   
“Tuesday.”   
“I look forward to hearing from you then.” He stands and you follow suit then shake his hand again and he leaves. You stand there for a moment. Then grab your bag from the floor and call Aaron. He answers on the second ring sounding out of breath.   
“Hello.”   
“Hi. My meeting is finished.”   
“I went for a run. I’m about two miles south of your place.”   
“Finish your run. I’ll meet you on the beach.”   
“Are you sure?”   
“Yea.”   
“Logan you sound stressed.” You unlock your car and throw your bag onto the passenger seat.   
“We can talk about it when I meet you.”   
“Okay.”   
“I’m going to run home and change then I’ll make my way south.”   
“Sounds good. I’ll see you in a few.” You hang up and head home. This week was getting weird, and this job offer, while amazing wasn’t exactly what you’d set out to do.


	35. Chapter 35

You meet him a half mile from the house. It’s a hot day, he’s running barefoot in the packed sand at the edge of the surf. When he sees you his face breaks out into a grin. You had thrown on your favorite swimsuit and sarong in the hopes that the two of you would actually be able to relax on the sand for most of the day.   
“Hey.” He huffs coming to a stop in front of you. You grin up at him and then tackle him into the shallow water. “Hey!” He laughs. “What was that for?”   
“You looked like you needed to cool down.” You respond with a laugh of your own. He kisses you quickly then pulls you out of the water with him.   
“So what had you sounding so stressed on the phone?” He asks keeping hold of your hand.   
“It’s nothing really.” You sigh then continue, “I got offered a new position but I don’t know if I want it.”   
“Tell me more.” He prompts gently.   
“It’s on the east coast. I’d be running five different locations, one somewhere in North Carolina, New York, Philly, Boston and DC. I’d be staffing them, and deciding who got which clients. It’s not exactly what I thought I’d be doing but it’s a cool opportunity.”   
“What’s causing you to hesitate?”   
“Well, a week ago I would have said no. But now. With whatever this is, you’re not really a fling kind of man and I’m not a fling kind of girl. So if I move back we could actually do this.”   
“Don’t make your decision based on me. I’d love to have you back on the east coast but you need to do what’s best for you.” You sigh and wrap your other hand around his arm.   
“I have until next Tuesday to decide.”   
“Let me know if you want to talk about it more.” He says softly.   
“I will.” The two of you continue down the beach, your clothes drying in the sunshine.   
“Logan?” A voice calls from up ahead of you.   
“Shit. That’s one of my clients.” You mutter to Aaron. “Hi Eli.” You say cheerfully, he looks stressed.   
“I heard you were leaving.”   
“What? Who said that?”   
“Dr. Annie.” She was getting a talking to when you got back to work on Tuesday.   
“Nothing has been decided.”   
“Oh. Who is this.”   
“I’m her boyfriend. Aaron.” Boyfriend? Okay, you were really okay with that.   
“You said you weren’t dating anyone.” Eli says angrily, “you said you were single. You said you didn’t lie to me!”   
“When you asked I wasn’t dating anyone Eli.” You say calmly, this is getting a bit out of hand. You’d know Eli had feelings for you but you’d also told him that you could only ever be friends. This kind of anger from his was unexpected. “Remember I told you we could only ever be friends.”   
“But I love you!” He yells he comes at you so quickly then that you don’t have time to react but Aaron does. He shoves you behind him and steps to meet Eli. He twists Eli around and pins his arm behind his back.   
“Calm down.” He says firmly as Eli struggles against him. Two cops are running toward you. Eli is screaming and your hands won’t stop shaking.   
“Sir. You need to let him go.” One of the officers snaps at Aaron.   
“Cuffs please.” Aaron says calmly and the two officers look at him like he’s crazy. “This man tried to attack my girlfriend. I’d like him cuffed before I turn him over to you.”   
“He’s FBI.” You say quietly. One of the officers cuffs Eli, “please take him here.” You pass him a card from your bag. “He’s one of my clients.”   
“Alright ma'am.”   
“Eli. I’ll see you on Tuesday.” You say kindly as Aaron shows the second cop his badge. “Get some rest.” The two officers leave and Aaron pulls you to him.   
“It’s okay.” He mutters, “it’s okay.”


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> smut

The two of you spend the rest of the day on the beach. When you get back to your house you’re more than relieved that nothing else came up to ruin the day. Neither of you got calls from work, and there were no interruptions from your family either. You’re curled up next to him on the couch when he runs his fingers up your leg. You look over at him with a smirk and then his lips are on yours. You turn so you’re facing him and place your hands on either side of his head. His hair is soft against your fingers, he pulls your body to his until you’re in his lap. His tongue sweeps your mouth and you groan. Aaron slides his hands under the hem of your shirt and you peel his off. His skin is warm against your hands, he stands taking you with him. You let out a soft cry of surprise and he chuckles lightly.   
“Do you want to do this?” He whispers before entering your bedroom.   
“Yes.” He moves to the bed and lowers you onto it. He peels his shirt off then his mouth collides with yours again. You wrap your arms around his neck. Lifting your hips he slides your shorts down. You’re on fire, his lips slide across your collarbone and you undo his shorts and slide them down. He groans and your heart pounds, he brings his lips back to yours. He enters you and you sigh into his mouth, you move together in perfect rhythm. That’s when a wave hits you, you’re lost in the ocean on a riptide and you cry out his name. He grinds into you a few more times then is lost himself. He rests his head on your shoulder and you cup the back of his head with a hand. You know you’re not staying in Hawaii. How can you when you feel like you’ve met your match? You know he would never ask you to move for him but if it means the two of you actually have a shot at making this work how can you stay? He raises his head off of your shoulder and looks down at you.   
“What’s going on in there?” He asks, his brown eyes searching your face.   
“Nothing. Just recovering.” You say with a smirk, you bring his lips to yours again and he laughs softly.   
“I was going to suggest we go have a glass of wine out on the beach but if you’d rather go for round two I’m all for that.” He says as you drag your lips along his jaw.   
“Both sound equally tempting.” You mutter into his ear, “you’re the guest. You choose.” He doesn’t respond, instead he slips a finger inside you hooking it causing your back to arch and a gasp to drop past your lips. “Good choice.”


	37. Chapter 37

You don’t tell Aaron that you think you’ve made your decision. The two of you spend the six days together exploring the island, eating on the beach, being together. The only thing that would make this better was if Jack was here. You’re curled up next to him that last night, his arm is curled around your waist and his fingers are tangled in the ends of your hair. You trace one of his scars on his shoulder, it’s a puckered scar from a bullet.   
“You’ve been awful quiet tonight.” Aaron says softly “Is everything okay?”  
“I’m just going to miss you.” His hand trails down to the small of your back, burning a trail along the skin.   
“I’m going to miss you too.” He says kissing the top of your head. You tilt your face up toward him capturing his lips with yours. You don’t mean to cry but a tear slips out, and falls onto his chest. “Hey,” Aaron says softly, “What’s this about?” He sits up and you follow suit he pulls you tightly to him, your open window causes one of those cool ocean breezes to dance across your bare skin.   
“I don’t know.” You whisper into his chest. “For the first time in my life I don’t know what to do Aaron.”  
“What do you mean?”  
“I love it here but when I’m with you everything just feels, right. I want both things and I can only choose one. A long distance relationship from here won’t work. We’re six timezones apart.” The tears are rolling down your cheeks.   
“Hey. Hey calm down.” He soothes. “We can figure this out.”  
“How?”  
“I want you to take a deep breath.” You do as he says, “close your eyes. You need to relax. You’re getting all worked up about this, you’re not going to make a good decision if you’re stressed out.” His fingers work the base of your neck. “Relax.” He whispers, you wrap an arm around his waist and sink into him. “Keep your eyes closed, keep your breathing even. What are the pros of staying here?”  
“My family is here. I’m on the ocean. It’s warm. I like the job.”  
“What are the cons?” You sigh softly.  
“I don’t know when the next opportunity will be to get off the island. I’m really far from you and Jack. Most of my friends are east coast. I’d be away from my parents again.”  
“Okay. What are the pros of the other job?” His voice hasn’t changed but when you mention him and Jack his grip on you had tightened just the slightest bit.   
“That job comes with a pay increase. I get to help more people. I’d be closer to you and Jack. My friends are there. My brother is there.”  
“What are the cons?” His fingers are still gently massaging your neck.   
“I’d have to move again. And the same as the cons from the other list.”  
“If Jack and I weren’t in the picture would that change anything?”  
“But you are.”  
“If we weren’t.”  
“Aaron.” You’re crying again, “You’re in my life. I don’t want to change that.”   
“Good.” He whispers. You open your eyes and meet his brown ones with yours. He kisses you then and you’re sure. You’re not letting him go. You’re moving back to the east coast. Not North Carolina or DC. You have always loved Philly.


	38. Chapter 38

Six months later you’ve settled into a small house outside of Philly. It’s got a spare room for any of your friends who want to come by although the person who has used it the most is Jack when he and Aaron come to visit. The train ride is only an hour and 45 minutes and with the branch you’re running in DC you see Aaron, Jack and the rest of the BAU pretty regularly. You’re on the train headed down to DC when you get a call from Aaron.   
“Hello?”  
“Hey. Can you come right to the BAU when you get here?” He sounds stressed.   
“What’s wrong?”  
“Kate’s daughter Meg was kidnapped. Jack is here in my office being watched by another Agent but if you could take him home that would be great.”  
“Of course. Is there anything else I can do to help?”  
“Check in with Garcia when you get here. Oh and Logan I’m sending Anderson home with you.”  
“Okay.” When it comes to your and Jack’s safety you don’t argue. He’d finally told you what had happened to Haley and you understood his need to be protective. When you arrive twenty minutes later you’re surprised by the amount of action that’s happening in the BAU. Aaron and JJ are talking in one corner when you walk in. JJ sees you first and smiles then points you out to Aaron. He hurries over to you and pulls you to him.   
“Hey.” You coo wrapping your arms around his neck.   
“God it’s good to see you.” He mumbles, he kisses you softly then pulls away. He takes your hand and leads you past JJ who you give a quick smile to. He brings you into his office and when Jack sees you his face breaks into a grin.  
“Logan!” He says running over to you and hugging your waist.   
“Hey kiddo! How are you?”  
“I’m good. Are you going to take me home?”  
“I think so. And I think Agent Anderson is going to join us.” That’s when the woman whose in the room stands. You give her a smile and she responds with a cold one of her own.   
“Agent Hotchner I can escort these two to your home.”  
“That’s alright. Anderson and Logan are friends. I don’t know if you’ve met my girlfriend Dr. Logan Kalani.”  
“I haven’t had the pleasure.”   
“Logan this is Agent Mara.”  
“Nice to meet you.” You smile and again hers is like ice. It instantly softens when she looks at Aaron. He hasn’t let go of your hand yet and you give it a gentle squeeze. “You should go.” You say softly. “Jack and I will swing by and see Garcia and then I’ll have Anderson take us home.”  
“You sure?”  
“Yea.”  
“Alright. Jack, get your homework done before you do any game time. I want you to do your spelling test too. I love you.”   
“Love you too dad.” He gives his son a kiss on the top of his head then turns back to you.   
“I’ll be home as soon as I can.”  
“Stay safe. Bring Meg home.”   
“I love you.”  
“I love you too.” He kisses you then hurries from his office. You look down at Jack.   
“Grab your stuff kid.” He throws a few things into his bag then slings it over his shoulder. “Ready to go see Garcia?”  
“Yep!” He bolts from the room and you go to follow him with a laugh.   
“Uh, Dr. Kalani?”  
“Yes Agent Mara?”  
“Where are your things?”  
“At Aaron’s.”  
“You don’t have to bring anything with you?”  
“Not anymore. I run a mental health program in DC so I’m here a lot. It was hard carrying stuff back and forth all the time so I just keep clothes here.”  
“Don’t break his heart.” She warns fiercely and you’re surprised by it.   
“I’m not going to.” You head to see Garcia and then head back to Aaron and Jack’s. Jack does his homework, you fix him, Anderson and yourself some dinner while Anderson gives Jack his spelling test. It’s nearly 3 in the morning before Aaron gets home.   
“Did you find her?”  
“Yea, she’s okay.” He drops his go bag on the floor by the door. “Thanks Anderson. You can go.” He nods then heads out.   
“Are you okay?”  
“Yea. This was actually a great win. We took down a group of traffickers, who were providing UnSubs with victims. Meg is okay. I gave Kate your card.” He sighs and sits next to you on the couch.   
“It sounds like it couldn’t have gone much better.” You say as he leans into you. Resting his head on your shoulder. “Jack went to bed at 10:30, he aced his spelling test.”  
“What would I do without you?”  
“Actually Anderson gave him his spelling test.” You say with a soft laugh and he looks up at you in surprise.   
“Really?”  
“Yea. It was pretty adorable.”   
“Still. I don’t think I want to give Anderson this” He opens his hand and sitting in his palm is a ring. “I know it’s fast but I haven’t been this sure about something in a long time.” You’re speechless, you never in a million years would have guessed this would happen, that he would propose. And tonight of all nights. “If you’re not ready I can ask again another time. Or we can do a long engagement. I don’t care. I love you. Jack loves you. I don’t want to do this without you in my life every day anymore.”  
“Aaron?”  
“What?”  
“Shut up. Of course I want to marry you. Now kiss me.” He laughs softly, slides the ring onto your finger and kisses you. Oh what a difference a few years could make. Five years ago he didn’t trust or like you, now you were going to be his wife.


End file.
